Tip Turned Blue

Today was the last day of summer "school" for the twins.  They went to the neighborhood park and had a big water fight.  And then the bus driver had a "pizza party" for them on the bus.  Of course, food on the bus is not allowed, so she brought drinks and purchased a pizza - as each kid got off the bus, they got to get a slice of pizza and a gatorade to eat at home!  And even a piece for the baby brother!  (What's this??  Momma doesn't have to make lunch?  How awesome is that?) 


Here is the conversation that followed between me and Twin B aka Coolio.    


Momma:  "So, how was the day at school?" 


Coolio:  "It was great!  Except I didn't like it when the tip turned blue." 


          [You wondering what I am wondering?]


Momma:  "Why?  Was it cold at the park with the breeze once you were all wet?  Did your fingers turn blue?"


Coolio:  "No.  What would cold have to do with it?  Anyway.  Our teacher needed people that knew how to tie and other people to be tied and I was one of the ones that got tied."


Momma:  "Please tell me what you are talking about...."


Coolio:  "Filling water balloons!!  There were a bunch of kids that filled balloons and then other kids tied them.  Once they were filled with water, to keep the water in I twisted it around the tip of my finger so they wouldn't pop or lose water until another kid could take it and tie it closed.  That is how the tip turned blue."


          [Glad we are all on the same page now!]

Worst Brother Ever

Twin B slipped in the tub one night, just as they were about to get out.  He wasn't injured, at all; and we all, including Twin B, laughed. When the twins were in their room getting PJs on after bath, this is what I overheard...


Twin B:  "You're the worst brother ever. You don't even care for me."

Twin A:  "I DO care for you a lot...but funny is funny and I can't be serious to care while laughing that hard."

Twin B on the left. April 2012.

Ball Dolly

Every now and again, someone says something that just catches your attention.  And, well, if you're me and have the sense of humor of a teenager - that something might just spark a mini photo shoot of a toddler [who just canNOT hold still] and a blog post!  (Lucky you!)

So, what did I hear? 

 Mind you, it just may have been slightly different from what was actually said... 

"Oh, how cute!  He has his balls on the dolly!"

Though, the speaker swears she said "Oh, how cute, he has A ball on the dolly!"

There were about 15 pictures taken on my cell phone of Doodles pushing his big yellow ball (which certainly weighs no more than a couple of ounces) on the red dolly (which probably weighs between 10 and 15 pounds.  

You'll notice that these are ALL blurry because this child is constantly in perpetual motion.  The pictures above are the least blurry and you can actually, almost, tell that there is a boy and a ball with his dolly. 

The pushing around of the ball and dolly lasted a good long while - in toddler time, that is at least 20 minutes, maybe more!  Here is a quick video of the fun that ensues when driving the dolly under a tunnel!

Then he decided that climbing the dolly might be kinda fun.  At this point, a much elderly lady (think over 80 years old) says, 

"You know, that is just not stable.  I tried that the other day in my kitchen with my dolly because I didn't want to get out the ladder to reach something on the top shelf and I almost fell right over!"
What?!  Who uses a dolly as a ladder?

"Well, shoot!  That ball has been having all the fun - maybe it is my turn now!"

"Mark!  Push. me!"

If you are ever wondering what to do with a toddler, I highly suggest a ball and dolly (and possibly someone to push the dolly, too!)

Tiny Midgets

This one technically wasn't from the kids - but still a cute story...




I was in the self check lane at Wal-Mart, (because I hate myself that much) and the guy that monitors that area came up to me and was creeper-ish-ly looking at the groceries I had just scanned... 


I asked him what was up and he said...


"I saw TINY MIDGETS on my screen and I didn't know we sold those. I was curious what they look like."

(May 24, 2012)

Naked in the ballroom

Do you know (or remember) that we own an Arthur Murray Dance Studio?  We teach Ballroom, Latin, Swing, Country, Salsa, and Social Dancing to teens and adults.  Basically, we teach anything that you do with a partner - On a dance floor - That involves leading and following.  If you have ever considered dancing, are interested in reconnecting with your spouse, are looking for something FUN that will give you great health benefits, or have been wondering what lifelong investment in yourself you should make; you really need to visit your local Arthur Murray and get started today!


To get us started off with the first of MANY dance related sayings I never thought I would say or hear as often as I do....


"I am sorry, but there is no getting naked in the ballroom!"


Sometimes, the quote is all you need are going to get.  

"That which has been seen, cannot be unseen" also applies to "that which has been described, cannot be erased from the mental image center".  (Please, just trust me on this one!)

OK, just one G-rated photo...

Sadly, I have used this line at least 7 times in the past few months, to 6 different people!  No, not only to the potty training toddler, but also to TallMatt, BaberTot, Tex, Christian [not my dad], Yahoo#1 and creepy random, (homeless?) dude bathing in the gas station's water across the parking lot.  OK, OK.  So technically, he wasn't INside the ballroom, but you get my drift...


My husband has heard me say it so many times, that it just rolled off his tongue during a dance lesson!   Have you seen those e-card images floating around Facebook that start off  

"That awkward moment when...." ?

Cunning Linguist ... Honey Bitch

The second in our linguistical series of the trials and tribulations of Toddler Talk, brings us to a story from not too long ago.  Let me tell you more about  

"HONEY BITCH"

Early one morning, (mind you, "early" in my two year old's world is between 9 and 11am), I had suggested that we go downstairs and have some breakfast.  Usually, he signs "cereal" and happily heads downstairs.  


But not that morning.  I was not sure what he said, but it sounded an awful lot like "Honey Bitch".  So, since he didn't seem to be all that interested in breakfast, we hung out a bit longer upstairs.  


He kept saying something...  and it still sounded like "honey bitch".  Maybe it was "Homey beach"?  "Horny pitch?"  Each as unlikely as the last.  What was that child saying?  


Finally, he signs cereal and we head downstairs.  The "Honey Bitch"  is getting clearer  and I can tell he definitely has something specific he wants.  So, I ask him to show me what he wants.  He takes me to the counter where the fruit bowl is...

A Peach!  Mystery #1 Solved!

And then to the pantry where he points to....

Of Course!

The little man wanted Honey Nut Cheerios with Peaches!

Thanks for the great breakfast idea, Doodles!  I don't know where you got the idea - but it sure was yummy!


And what happened later that day?  Doodles and I went to Wal-Mart to go grocery shopping.  and what did he holler out to everyone we passed?  ...  You guessed it - "Honey Bitch!"

Cunning Linguist ... /S/ vs /SH/

Our 2 year old, Doodles, is learning to speak and no one has more fun with the fact that he can't quite pronounce ALL the sounds in the English language than his 9 year old twin brothers.


Now, I love linguistics - I even majored in it in college - and I know and understand all about how the mouth works, and how one must use their tongue and lips and teeth [insert teenager giggles here] to make the varying sounds required to form words.  Things I find fascinating - like "velar fronting"  and "fricatives" - a nine year old can twist into hours of fun at the expense of an innocent toddler (who also thinks it is pretty funny.)


Over the last few weeks, they have been delighted silly with the fact that Doodles actually makes an /sh/ sound in lieu of an /s/ sound at the beginning of words.  


So what is the favorite word to make him say?

That's right - SIT.

Inappropriate literature.

The twins were reading tonight, and suddenly Twin B jumps up and says "Mom, I can't believe you are letting me read this!  It is SO INAPPROPRIATE!  Just look what it says!"

Yes, dear.  It says "You're nuts."


No, child, not "your nuts".  (They are not taking about those nuts!)

Tickle my Pickle

This one absolutely falls under the category of I hear it WAY. TOO. MUCH!  Now, if only they would give me a nickle every time they said it...

On March 7, 2012 - I wrote in the calendar (and on Facebook - sorry FB friends; this one is a repeat) ~

I would really like to know in which context my sons learned *this* in school today....

"I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle!"


Which can apparently, (as I have learned in the interim), be followed up with "I'll give you a dime if you ring my chime!" and/or "I'll give you a penny if you'll loosen my lenny!"  [Anyone else know what a lenny is?  Anyone?  Bueller?   Me neither.]

If you know me, you know that I always ask a lot of questions - and will usually ask the question even if I don't really want to know the answer.

The three follow-up questions I just *had* to ask? 

1.  Do you even have a nickel/dime/penny to give me?  (Perfectly innocent question...)

2.  What do you use to tickle with?  (they answered "a feather")

3.  Where do you find a ticklish pickle? (You don't want to know their answer....really)

Best of all, was my Cousin Mark's comment... "Hmm, guess they haven't learned about inflation yet.  It costs way more than a nickel these days!!"

Suck your Own

My twin boys are taking summer school to supposedly help ensure they don't fall further behind in their learning over the L O N G summer break. The other day, we were in the car and this is what I over heard... 


Twin A:  I don't know if I believe him...  Do you really think he can suck his own? 
Twin B:  I think so.  Bobby is about to start 6th grade - I bet he can.
Twin A:  I still don't know if it is possible to do it without help.  It IS really big after all.


[At this point, they have been going on about this for a while, and I AM seriously wondering what in the devil they are teaching my children in summer school completely baffled about what they could possibly be talking about.  But I let it continue.]


Twin B:  It IS really big.  I bet I could do it, if I tried really hard - but maybe it would take a couple of days...


[Now, I am honestly wondering if I ask the question I am just dying to ask, will I get an answer I never wanted to hear in the first place???]


Twin A:  Let's tell mom we both want to suck our own and see if she thinks we can...


[I am fit to burst right now.  I am not prepared for the answer, but here I go anyway.]


Momma:  What *ARE* you two talking about??






Do you know what they were talking about?

Whew!

Apparently, Bobby got a big lollipop and got to eat the whole thing all by himself.  


Does anyone know where I can get some of these?  I'd like to suck my own and give my husband and kids a chance to do the same!

Can't Trust Women

The twins were so engrossed in the game they were playing that they didn't notice Mr. Baby and I come into the room, sit down on the couch and start eating a snack. 


When they finally noticed we were eating and they weren't, Twin A was appalled and Twin B said ...  


"You just can't trust women and babies these days!"




(May 29, 2012)

Hookers and Streetwalkers

Thankfully, I kept a calendar where I wrote all kinds of things that were said/happened over the past 9 years.  (Though I will admit that more great stuff is probably on Facebook than actually on the paper calendars that hung on walls).  SO, if we manage to go for 24 or more hours with out something ridiculous said or done, (albeit - not too likely) then I will start pulling out the calendars and looking for great quotes, conversations, stories, anecdotes, etc!  Just remember, I am NOT this creative - I can't/couldn't make this stuff up!



An actual conversation from the back seat of my car on February 23, 2012 (twins were 8.5 years old).   


We were driving on the UNR campus and had to stop for two girls who were jaywalking.


Twin A:  Why are they crossing the street and NOT in a crosswalk?


Twin B:  They are called streetwalkers.


Twin A:  Oh, I thought those were called hookers.


Twin B:  Nope.  A streetwalker gets to cross the street wherever they want and they can even walk in the street instead of on the sidewalk. A hooker is a silly or crazy person who does whatever they want, wherever they want.




I now have no doubt that I am, in fact, "a Hooker".  Thank you, Twinlets, for clarifying that important distinction for me (and probably, for so many others out there too!)

Staying in a Condom

When the twins were almost 2 years old, my parents took us all to Hawaii for a week long vacation.

We stayed in a condom...

(Playing golf in front of our *condo*)

We went to the pool and "did big dumps" into the pool...

Twin A *jumps* a little hesitantly... 

Twin B does a BIG jump!

   

Everyday, we went down to the bitch...

Checking it all out with Daddy - now getting to used to the sand on the *beach*

And played in the waves of the ohshit...

Ahhhhh - the *Ocean*!

  

It was a wonderful trip and no one in my family has forgotten the totally inappropriate cute things the toddlewins (Toddler Twins) said during the trip!

April 2005