Cox? Cock? Koks? You decide.

Welcome to more Toddler Talk from our favorite 2.5 year old!  Another fun game of "guess what he is really trying to say"  :)

This is the the very first time I heard it.  We were at home and Doodles was obviously looking for something.  This was the conversation we had.

Mom:  "What are you looking for, sweetpea?"

Doodles:  "I want my cock, I can't find it."

Mom:  "Excuse me?!  Your what?!"

Doodles:  "I can't find my blue coxs.  Mine like daddys."

Mom:  "?!?"

I'll give you three more recent conversation snippets...

1.  I was just about to change Doodles' diaper, I asked him to take his shorts off while I went to get a diaper.  When I came back, he was messing with his shorts (which were off) and said,  "Look mom!  I taked my shorts off and my cox got stuck in them."

2.  While putting Doodles into the car, he said, 

"Momma!  My cock just fell off and rolled under the car!"

3.  By the time this next conversation happened, we already knew what he was saying - but the poor ladies in the hair salon were highly shocked entertained!  Dad took Doodles with him when he (dad) went to go get a haircut.  Doodles told them all about his koks:

"I have my cocks.  They are Blue.   And my Daddy has cocks too.  They are blue, too."

Ready? 

I would once again like to thank Chris and Daisey for handing these CROCS down to Doodles and for the subsequent entertainment they provided!  :)

My Nuts

We were recently on an airplane and the flight attendant brought us some peanuts.  Mr. Baby asked me if he could go to the back of the plane and ask for two more bags of nuts for his brothers.  He asked the flight attendant 

"Please mine have some nuts for mine boys?"

Once I explained to her that he wanted a couple of bags of peanuts to take home to his brothers - she gave him this. 

He proudly walked back to is seat telling everyone he passed...

"look at my nuts!"

Fast forward to the end of the flight, the seatbelt light had been turned on and we were close to final approach to landing in Reno.  There was another little boy on the flight that was crying.  My oh-so-sweet caring boy, Mr. Baby said, 

"Do you think mine nuts will help feel him better?!"

Buaa hwaa haaa!

My friend, Jay C, said it best "if that had been said by a girl - all humor would have been lost!"

Dickless

Our house has been an illness infested cesspool this week.  The twins are both sick - colds, sore throats, achy bodies, fevers (oh, how high can we go?) and general nastiness.  Just as I was about to reach the end of my rope [cuz I am pretty sure that the parent of the year prize is not awarded to parents who yell "STOP COUGHING!" to their children] of the chorus of coughing this conversation happens:

Coolio (9.5 years) :  

"Mom, I don't feel better.  

I literally think I am dying"

["Literally?"  Child?  When did you learn that word?!]

Doodles (2.5 years) :  

"Oh Coolio!  Stop being dickless!

After I was able to stop laughing - trust me, it took a while - I was able to explain to Coolio that what Doodles really said was 'ridiculous' - "stop being RIDICULOUS!"

Play with your own! AGAIN!

Whew!

I have finally stopped laughing enough to be able to type.  Mind you, this event took place over three hours ago.  I so wish there was a video - but even if there was - I wouldn't post it.

A little back story is required first....

We play a game with Doodles where we touch his nose and say "boop" or tug on his ears and say "toot".  Then he does it back to us and thinks it is hilarious!

With that in mind, I just had to share this little "play with your own" gem of Doodles...

So, the three boys are all taking a bath in my bathtub.  Doodles got out first and I dried him off.

Just as he was dry, the twins got out of the tub and were both standing side by side in front of the bathtub.

They dried their bodies and then, while they were drying their hair...

Doodles reaches out with both hands, grabs both boys' packages, tugs them and says "Toot! Toot!"


BWAA HAAA HAAA!



And that, is what we call a crime of opportunity!

Pyramids on penises.

One of my sons, who shall remain nameless, (but suffice it to say is a 9 year old) caused me to send the following text message to my husband....

I might have TOTALLY missed it in the "mom manual", but I am pretty sure that *must* be dad's job to discuss the pros and cons of drawing pyramids on one's own penis. 

What about you?  What's the best thing you found drawn on your child?

Hot Cocks, Dumb F*cks & Nipples

Oh dear, this one is a doozy!

Doodles is just about 29 months old now and has been doing a fabulous job in Speech Therapy.  However, there are still a few things that just don't come out quite right.  (Don't judge me, I am but the messenger!)

"Me want Hot Cock for lunch!"

(Grammar, apparently, comes later.)  

AND a few minutes later...

Oh, but of course!

****************************************************************

A few days ago, Doodles was looking for something...

"Mommy, me want mine dumb fuck!"

Say wha???  Can you show me what you want?  

"mine DUMfuck".  

I don't understand you - what do you want?  

Very slowly sounded out for his apparently thick (and slightly giggling) mother....

                     

" D U M P   TR U C K! "

*************************************************************

We were at a local dress shop this afternoon.  This place is amazing.  They have wedding dresses, formal gowns, cocktail dresses, seriously sequined gowns, etc. etc.  If you need to go to a "smart party" this is the place to go.  (Boulevard of Dreams on Kuenzli and Wells - tell Marsha, Vanessa and Mario sent you!)  

Anyway, I had Doodles with me and had him in the ERGO baby carrier (because one can simply NOT let a toddler boy loose in a dress shop!)

There were tons of people in the shop - a bunch of high school girls [and significantly less parents] from the local catholic high school who were looking for the shortest possible full length gowns for homecoming (as short dresses have been outlawed); a bride and her bridesmaids looking for short bridesmaids dresses in a specific shade of teal; a Mexican family looking for a dress for a Quincinera; and a pair of dudes - looking for "Something FABulous" for their upcoming Drag Pageant (I think they found it too - in fact, I was wondering if they had it in MY size!).  I was mostly browsing, but my husband and his friend were checking out the baby pink, navy with red lace pinstripes and light blue zoot suits.  (See, I told you this store was fantastic and had something for everyone!!)  But I digress...

So, Doodles is riding in the ERGO carrier on my front because his mother was wishfully thinking he'd fall asleep and she could browse/shop in peace.  We pass rack after rack of dresses, dresses hanging along the wall, dresses on mannequins, dresses on drag queens, you get the drift.  We hit the sale wall and there is a dress form (like a mannequin with no head or arms - basically just the bust and waist to display a dress on) without a dress....

Doodles reaches out, grabs the breast and yells

"Nipples!  Now me want milk.  Right now!"

And that, my friends, is my cue to laugh!

Tip Turned Blue

Today was the last day of summer "school" for the twins.  They went to the neighborhood park and had a big water fight.  And then the bus driver had a "pizza party" for them on the bus.  Of course, food on the bus is not allowed, so she brought drinks and purchased a pizza - as each kid got off the bus, they got to get a slice of pizza and a gatorade to eat at home!  And even a piece for the baby brother!  (What's this??  Momma doesn't have to make lunch?  How awesome is that?) 


Here is the conversation that followed between me and Twin B aka Coolio.    


Momma:  "So, how was the day at school?" 


Coolio:  "It was great!  Except I didn't like it when the tip turned blue." 


          [You wondering what I am wondering?]


Momma:  "Why?  Was it cold at the park with the breeze once you were all wet?  Did your fingers turn blue?"


Coolio:  "No.  What would cold have to do with it?  Anyway.  Our teacher needed people that knew how to tie and other people to be tied and I was one of the ones that got tied."


Momma:  "Please tell me what you are talking about...."


Coolio:  "Filling water balloons!!  There were a bunch of kids that filled balloons and then other kids tied them.  Once they were filled with water, to keep the water in I twisted it around the tip of my finger so they wouldn't pop or lose water until another kid could take it and tie it closed.  That is how the tip turned blue."


          [Glad we are all on the same page now!]

Cunning Linguist ... /S/ vs /SH/

Our 2 year old, Doodles, is learning to speak and no one has more fun with the fact that he can't quite pronounce ALL the sounds in the English language than his 9 year old twin brothers.


Now, I love linguistics - I even majored in it in college - and I know and understand all about how the mouth works, and how one must use their tongue and lips and teeth [insert teenager giggles here] to make the varying sounds required to form words.  Things I find fascinating - like "velar fronting"  and "fricatives" - a nine year old can twist into hours of fun at the expense of an innocent toddler (who also thinks it is pretty funny.)


Over the last few weeks, they have been delighted silly with the fact that Doodles actually makes an /sh/ sound in lieu of an /s/ sound at the beginning of words.  


So what is the favorite word to make him say?

That's right - SIT.

Inappropriate literature.

The twins were reading tonight, and suddenly Twin B jumps up and says "Mom, I can't believe you are letting me read this!  It is SO INAPPROPRIATE!  Just look what it says!"

Yes, dear.  It says "You're nuts."


No, child, not "your nuts".  (They are not taking about those nuts!)

Suck your Own

My twin boys are taking summer school to supposedly help ensure they don't fall further behind in their learning over the L O N G summer break. The other day, we were in the car and this is what I over heard... 


Twin A:  I don't know if I believe him...  Do you really think he can suck his own? 
Twin B:  I think so.  Bobby is about to start 6th grade - I bet he can.
Twin A:  I still don't know if it is possible to do it without help.  It IS really big after all.


[At this point, they have been going on about this for a while, and I AM seriously wondering what in the devil they are teaching my children in summer school completely baffled about what they could possibly be talking about.  But I let it continue.]


Twin B:  It IS really big.  I bet I could do it, if I tried really hard - but maybe it would take a couple of days...


[Now, I am honestly wondering if I ask the question I am just dying to ask, will I get an answer I never wanted to hear in the first place???]


Twin A:  Let's tell mom we both want to suck our own and see if she thinks we can...


[I am fit to burst right now.  I am not prepared for the answer, but here I go anyway.]


Momma:  What *ARE* you two talking about??






Do you know what they were talking about?

Whew!

Apparently, Bobby got a big lollipop and got to eat the whole thing all by himself.  


Does anyone know where I can get some of these?  I'd like to suck my own and give my husband and kids a chance to do the same!