Toilet Racer

"Doodles, please play with your trucks somewhere cleaner else.  The toilet seat is not a race track." 

Please, someone else tell me their kid did this, too?

Knocked up.

Just after dinner this evening, I was in the kitchen when I heard nine year old Mr. B. say, 


"Wow.  That is one Knocked Up Baby!"


Say wha?

Oh, I see ...

Knocked OUT little brother!

Mr. B., The proper phrase is "knocked out", "knocked up"  that means something completely different!  :)

And just to clarify....  he simply fell asleep and was not actually knocked out!  

Keep Tahoe Blue

October 7, 2012 - Lake Tahoe, California

It was 59 degrees when we arrived at the boat ramp - but it was a sunny, windless day - so we went boating anyway!  All the bumper stickers say "Keep Tahoe Blue" but I never really remember it being quite *this* shade of blue!  

I believe this is called a "photo dump" of all the beautiful pictures I took! 

Doodles - not too sure about the boat accelerating... 

Coolio driving with Papa.

 Off the front of the boat.

We beached the boat, had lunch and then went for a short hike on the Rubicon Trail.

View of the boat from the start of trail.

Climbing on the rocks.  Doodles, Coolio and Papa.

It really was so much farther down than this picture shows...

Nice "protective barrier", huh?

Yep - way farther down in real life.

Such a cool shade of blue.

Coolio in a rock cave.

Doodles climbed up the same rock cave, got up there and said "look at me!"

I climbed out onto the edge of the granite and took this picture.  This picture is a very accurate representation of the actual colors that day.

Whoa!  Check out these ominous clouds that rolled in!

I know this is not like my normal posts, but I hope you enjoyed these pictures of the lake I grew up with!

Looking for something silly or ridiculous that my kids' said?  Stay tuned to find out who was knocked up!  

Play with your own! AGAIN!

Whew!

I have finally stopped laughing enough to be able to type.  Mind you, this event took place over three hours ago.  I so wish there was a video - but even if there was - I wouldn't post it.

A little back story is required first....

We play a game with Doodles where we touch his nose and say "boop" or tug on his ears and say "toot".  Then he does it back to us and thinks it is hilarious!

With that in mind, I just had to share this little "play with your own" gem of Doodles...

So, the three boys are all taking a bath in my bathtub.  Doodles got out first and I dried him off.

Just as he was dry, the twins got out of the tub and were both standing side by side in front of the bathtub.

They dried their bodies and then, while they were drying their hair...

Doodles reaches out with both hands, grabs both boys' packages, tugs them and says "Toot! Toot!"


BWAA HAAA HAAA!



And that, is what we call a crime of opportunity!

His mother's son

Oh dear.  I think I may have just discovered why I hate HATE REALLY HATE-HATE-HATE doing homework with my 9 year olds...

It seems that this picture is kinda hard to read and his writing is ATROCIOUS - so allow me to do a quick translation:

QUESTION 2.  Are any of the polygons that you drew regular polygons?  Explain how you know.

My son's answer, and I quote ...   

"yes, they all are.  I looked in the SRB [student reference book] and there I saw the regular polegons."

Perhaps I can't handle homework time because they are just as big a smartass as I am?

Pyramids on penises.

One of my sons, who shall remain nameless, (but suffice it to say is a 9 year old) caused me to send the following text message to my husband....

I might have TOTALLY missed it in the "mom manual", but I am pretty sure that *must* be dad's job to discuss the pros and cons of drawing pyramids on one's own penis. 

What about you?  What's the best thing you found drawn on your child?

Hot Cocks, Dumb F*cks & Nipples

Oh dear, this one is a doozy!

Doodles is just about 29 months old now and has been doing a fabulous job in Speech Therapy.  However, there are still a few things that just don't come out quite right.  (Don't judge me, I am but the messenger!)

"Me want Hot Cock for lunch!"

(Grammar, apparently, comes later.)  

AND a few minutes later...

Oh, but of course!

****************************************************************

A few days ago, Doodles was looking for something...

"Mommy, me want mine dumb fuck!"

Say wha???  Can you show me what you want?  

"mine DUMfuck".  

I don't understand you - what do you want?  

Very slowly sounded out for his apparently thick (and slightly giggling) mother....

                     

" D U M P   TR U C K! "

*************************************************************

We were at a local dress shop this afternoon.  This place is amazing.  They have wedding dresses, formal gowns, cocktail dresses, seriously sequined gowns, etc. etc.  If you need to go to a "smart party" this is the place to go.  (Boulevard of Dreams on Kuenzli and Wells - tell Marsha, Vanessa and Mario sent you!)  

Anyway, I had Doodles with me and had him in the ERGO baby carrier (because one can simply NOT let a toddler boy loose in a dress shop!)

There were tons of people in the shop - a bunch of high school girls [and significantly less parents] from the local catholic high school who were looking for the shortest possible full length gowns for homecoming (as short dresses have been outlawed); a bride and her bridesmaids looking for short bridesmaids dresses in a specific shade of teal; a Mexican family looking for a dress for a Quincinera; and a pair of dudes - looking for "Something FABulous" for their upcoming Drag Pageant (I think they found it too - in fact, I was wondering if they had it in MY size!).  I was mostly browsing, but my husband and his friend were checking out the baby pink, navy with red lace pinstripes and light blue zoot suits.  (See, I told you this store was fantastic and had something for everyone!!)  But I digress...

So, Doodles is riding in the ERGO carrier on my front because his mother was wishfully thinking he'd fall asleep and she could browse/shop in peace.  We pass rack after rack of dresses, dresses hanging along the wall, dresses on mannequins, dresses on drag queens, you get the drift.  We hit the sale wall and there is a dress form (like a mannequin with no head or arms - basically just the bust and waist to display a dress on) without a dress....

Doodles reaches out, grabs the breast and yells

"Nipples!  Now me want milk.  Right now!"

And that, my friends, is my cue to laugh!

Feel me better!

When the twins were toddlers, they would say things like

"I need a barmaid to feel me better"

("I need a band aid to help me feel better")

Some times it was a hug, or ice cream, or a kiss, or a trip to the park.

********

The other day, Doodles woke up a few minutes before I was ready to leave.  So, he had to just be grumpy while I packed the car and got ready to leave.  While I was strapping him into his car seat, he sobbed through tears, 

"Me need mine Daddy make mine day better"

("I need my Daddy to make my day better!")

Don't worry Mr. Baby, we are on our way to see Daddy! 

*********

And then, last night, Doodles had been asleep in the car, I picked him up and started carrying him.  Coolio was walking next to me, when Doodles said

"Me need mine Coolio feel me better"

Did you notice the Barmaid on his knee, too?

They held on tight to each other - long enough for me to get my phone out of my purse and take this picture. 

*********

This morning, Doodles woke up and happily ran to the top of the stairs and yelled

"BOYS!!  ME HERE!!"

Mr. B. Responded instantly and started up the stairs to get him.  When he didn't see Coolio, he yelled after him too

"Where mine Coolio?!"

 I am so fortunate that I have 2 great big brothers that love their little brother and a little brother that thinks the world of his big brothers!

Changing Diapers

Doodles was at the dance studio this evening.  He and I were in my office and he was just finishing having his diaper changed - something he loves to talk about!

Mario was out in the ballroom teaching a group class (Yes, he actually does do that sometimes!)  Right at that moment, he said "and Change!" [to have everyone change partners].  And what does Doodles say?

"Daddy change dancing people's diapers????"

ah-ha-ha - I love that kid!  :)

Nipple Chasing

There were times when nursing twins that all wanted was a little break - not for me and my sanity (well, sometimes that, too) - but for the nipples!  One day, one of the toddlewins was whining for milk (gasp - can you believe that could happen?) and, in shear frustration, I suggested he get some from his brother (who was more than happy to oblige!)

  


We all know how entertaining it can be to watch a dog chase his own tail, right? Well, if you have or know a nursing toddler, I highly recommend you tell said toddler to 

"Have some of your OWN milk"

I guarantee the ensuing minutes of nipple chasing will be totally worth the entertainment!

Child Labor

In a discussion about chores and 'allowances', I asked the boys two questions: "what happens when you work?" And "what happens when you break the law?"

I was looking for the answers "you get paid" and "you get fined". 

The answers I got? "You have to do things you do not like to do" and "you get to spend time alone in your room." . . . . Where did we go wrong??

Now, on another note...  I highly recommend the system of parents paying commissions to children for work  completed and receiving fines from children for bad behavior and/or work not completed.

I have a tin can (momma's bank) that has dollars and quarters in it.  The twins have a joint jar (where goes the money for all their chores at the beginning of the week - before they do anything at all).  And they each also have their own jar for their personal savings (and from which they pay me fines for their bad behavior).  

So, here is how it works.  On Sunday, we get all the jars together.  The boys take the contents of their joint jar and split it evenly between themselves and put their money in their own jars.  If there is an extra quarter, they just leave it in the jar for the next week.  Then, they get $5.00 put in their joint jar for the next week's chores.  If the twins do not do a chore they are supposed to do, they pay the fine (for not doing the work) out of the joint jar.  If one or the other of the twins gets fined - for misbehaving, lying, etc - that fine comes out of their individual jar.

Since they don't get a lot of money each week, it takes a long time to save up money for something special (have you SEEN the price of a large set of Legos lately?!)  So, if there is something they really, REALLY want, and they can save over half of the total, we'll chip in the rest. 

And that is exactly what Twin A just did.  Well, and that $5 dollar bill he found in the bushes at the park.  He had $34 dollars saved and a $4.89 balance on a gift card at Toys R Us.  So we went to Toys R Us and they didn't have the Alien Conquest Mother Ship!!   (Enter crisis mode.)  

He held back tears while we went up to the front to ask if they had any more or could order it. Not only are they are not carrying them in the store anymore, but the price had gone up $7 dollars online. 

My husband and I got on our phones and found one at a nearby Wal-Mart.  When we got there, it was on clearance for twenty bucks less!

Here he is right after finding it!

Kissing in the dark

I was driving through a construction zone (we have LOTS of those here) with 27-month old Doodles the other night and from the back seat I hear him say something...but I was not sure what.  So I asked him if he said ...

"People kissing in the dark?"

What?!  That doesn't make any sense, and he tried again...

"People eating in the dark?"

Nope, still not what he was trying to say.   OH wait!  We just went through a construction zone!  Did he say...

"People digging in the dirt!" ?

Success!!  Ahhhh - Toddler Talk!  We have a great sometimes frustrating time figuring out what he says or means!

Conspiracy Theory

My husband left last night for an out of town for a dance event, leaving behind the three boys and I.  The boys were great last night and all went to bed, as usual, without a fuss.

This morning, Doodles came into my bed for some milk and went back to sleep.  A while later, I heard the big boys making a bunch of noise and, most unfortunately, so did Doodles.  He got up to go play with them and left me sleeping.

A few minutes after I woke up, around NOON, the big boys came in and said they were very sorry to wake me up, but Doodles really needed a diaper change.  They later told me that they already fed him breakfast and tried to keep him entertained so I could sleep in.  

Then they filled me in on their plan for today, which apparently all three of them were in on...

"Me go Chuckee!"

Not only had the boys decided that going to Chuck E. Cheese was in order, but Coolio sorted and counted out the Chuck E. Cheese Tokens.  So I wouldn't have to spend my money to take them there... 

116 Tokens!

And Twin A let me in on another part of their plan...

Pancakes for lunch!

How could I not?  They took care of Doodles in the morning AND let me sleep in!

Pancakes it is!

After lunch, it was time to visit Chuck E.  

Did you know that 116 tokens will last 3 children (two 9 year olds and a 2 year old) 2 hours?  SO thankful to Mark (who works at a coin bank) for arranging to have the tokens given to the boys!

Total cost form our trip to Chuck E Cheese?  $1.93 cents for a drink.  :)

On the way home, we stopped at a park for, even more, a little more fun!

Doodles, Twin A and Coolio at the top of the double twisty slide!

Love these boys of mine!

Tip Turned Blue

Today was the last day of summer "school" for the twins.  They went to the neighborhood park and had a big water fight.  And then the bus driver had a "pizza party" for them on the bus.  Of course, food on the bus is not allowed, so she brought drinks and purchased a pizza - as each kid got off the bus, they got to get a slice of pizza and a gatorade to eat at home!  And even a piece for the baby brother!  (What's this??  Momma doesn't have to make lunch?  How awesome is that?) 


Here is the conversation that followed between me and Twin B aka Coolio.    


Momma:  "So, how was the day at school?" 


Coolio:  "It was great!  Except I didn't like it when the tip turned blue." 


          [You wondering what I am wondering?]


Momma:  "Why?  Was it cold at the park with the breeze once you were all wet?  Did your fingers turn blue?"


Coolio:  "No.  What would cold have to do with it?  Anyway.  Our teacher needed people that knew how to tie and other people to be tied and I was one of the ones that got tied."


Momma:  "Please tell me what you are talking about...."


Coolio:  "Filling water balloons!!  There were a bunch of kids that filled balloons and then other kids tied them.  Once they were filled with water, to keep the water in I twisted it around the tip of my finger so they wouldn't pop or lose water until another kid could take it and tie it closed.  That is how the tip turned blue."


          [Glad we are all on the same page now!]

Worst Brother Ever

Twin B slipped in the tub one night, just as they were about to get out.  He wasn't injured, at all; and we all, including Twin B, laughed. When the twins were in their room getting PJs on after bath, this is what I overheard...


Twin B:  "You're the worst brother ever. You don't even care for me."

Twin A:  "I DO care for you a lot...but funny is funny and I can't be serious to care while laughing that hard."

Twin B on the left. April 2012.

Ball Dolly

Every now and again, someone says something that just catches your attention.  And, well, if you're me and have the sense of humor of a teenager - that something might just spark a mini photo shoot of a toddler [who just canNOT hold still] and a blog post!  (Lucky you!)

So, what did I hear? 

 Mind you, it just may have been slightly different from what was actually said... 

"Oh, how cute!  He has his balls on the dolly!"

Though, the speaker swears she said "Oh, how cute, he has A ball on the dolly!"

There were about 15 pictures taken on my cell phone of Doodles pushing his big yellow ball (which certainly weighs no more than a couple of ounces) on the red dolly (which probably weighs between 10 and 15 pounds.  

You'll notice that these are ALL blurry because this child is constantly in perpetual motion.  The pictures above are the least blurry and you can actually, almost, tell that there is a boy and a ball with his dolly. 

The pushing around of the ball and dolly lasted a good long while - in toddler time, that is at least 20 minutes, maybe more!  Here is a quick video of the fun that ensues when driving the dolly under a tunnel!

Then he decided that climbing the dolly might be kinda fun.  At this point, a much elderly lady (think over 80 years old) says, 

"You know, that is just not stable.  I tried that the other day in my kitchen with my dolly because I didn't want to get out the ladder to reach something on the top shelf and I almost fell right over!"
What?!  Who uses a dolly as a ladder?

"Well, shoot!  That ball has been having all the fun - maybe it is my turn now!"

"Mark!  Push. me!"

If you are ever wondering what to do with a toddler, I highly suggest a ball and dolly (and possibly someone to push the dolly, too!)

Tiny Midgets

This one technically wasn't from the kids - but still a cute story...




I was in the self check lane at Wal-Mart, (because I hate myself that much) and the guy that monitors that area came up to me and was creeper-ish-ly looking at the groceries I had just scanned... 


I asked him what was up and he said...


"I saw TINY MIDGETS on my screen and I didn't know we sold those. I was curious what they look like."

(May 24, 2012)

Naked in the ballroom

Do you know (or remember) that we own an Arthur Murray Dance Studio?  We teach Ballroom, Latin, Swing, Country, Salsa, and Social Dancing to teens and adults.  Basically, we teach anything that you do with a partner - On a dance floor - That involves leading and following.  If you have ever considered dancing, are interested in reconnecting with your spouse, are looking for something FUN that will give you great health benefits, or have been wondering what lifelong investment in yourself you should make; you really need to visit your local Arthur Murray and get started today!


To get us started off with the first of MANY dance related sayings I never thought I would say or hear as often as I do....


"I am sorry, but there is no getting naked in the ballroom!"


Sometimes, the quote is all you need are going to get.  

"That which has been seen, cannot be unseen" also applies to "that which has been described, cannot be erased from the mental image center".  (Please, just trust me on this one!)

OK, just one G-rated photo...

Sadly, I have used this line at least 7 times in the past few months, to 6 different people!  No, not only to the potty training toddler, but also to TallMatt, BaberTot, Tex, Christian [not my dad], Yahoo#1 and creepy random, (homeless?) dude bathing in the gas station's water across the parking lot.  OK, OK.  So technically, he wasn't INside the ballroom, but you get my drift...


My husband has heard me say it so many times, that it just rolled off his tongue during a dance lesson!   Have you seen those e-card images floating around Facebook that start off  

"That awkward moment when...." ?

Cunning Linguist ... Honey Bitch

The second in our linguistical series of the trials and tribulations of Toddler Talk, brings us to a story from not too long ago.  Let me tell you more about  

"HONEY BITCH"

Early one morning, (mind you, "early" in my two year old's world is between 9 and 11am), I had suggested that we go downstairs and have some breakfast.  Usually, he signs "cereal" and happily heads downstairs.  


But not that morning.  I was not sure what he said, but it sounded an awful lot like "Honey Bitch".  So, since he didn't seem to be all that interested in breakfast, we hung out a bit longer upstairs.  


He kept saying something...  and it still sounded like "honey bitch".  Maybe it was "Homey beach"?  "Horny pitch?"  Each as unlikely as the last.  What was that child saying?  


Finally, he signs cereal and we head downstairs.  The "Honey Bitch"  is getting clearer  and I can tell he definitely has something specific he wants.  So, I ask him to show me what he wants.  He takes me to the counter where the fruit bowl is...

A Peach!  Mystery #1 Solved!

And then to the pantry where he points to....

Of Course!

The little man wanted Honey Nut Cheerios with Peaches!

Thanks for the great breakfast idea, Doodles!  I don't know where you got the idea - but it sure was yummy!


And what happened later that day?  Doodles and I went to Wal-Mart to go grocery shopping.  and what did he holler out to everyone we passed?  ...  You guessed it - "Honey Bitch!"

Cunning Linguist ... /S/ vs /SH/

Our 2 year old, Doodles, is learning to speak and no one has more fun with the fact that he can't quite pronounce ALL the sounds in the English language than his 9 year old twin brothers.


Now, I love linguistics - I even majored in it in college - and I know and understand all about how the mouth works, and how one must use their tongue and lips and teeth [insert teenager giggles here] to make the varying sounds required to form words.  Things I find fascinating - like "velar fronting"  and "fricatives" - a nine year old can twist into hours of fun at the expense of an innocent toddler (who also thinks it is pretty funny.)


Over the last few weeks, they have been delighted silly with the fact that Doodles actually makes an /sh/ sound in lieu of an /s/ sound at the beginning of words.  


So what is the favorite word to make him say?

That's right - SIT.