Inappropriate literature.

The twins were reading tonight, and suddenly Twin B jumps up and says "Mom, I can't believe you are letting me read this!  It is SO INAPPROPRIATE!  Just look what it says!"

Yes, dear.  It says "You're nuts."


No, child, not "your nuts".  (They are not taking about those nuts!)

Tickle my Pickle

This one absolutely falls under the category of I hear it WAY. TOO. MUCH!  Now, if only they would give me a nickle every time they said it...

On March 7, 2012 - I wrote in the calendar (and on Facebook - sorry FB friends; this one is a repeat) ~

I would really like to know in which context my sons learned *this* in school today....

"I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle!"


Which can apparently, (as I have learned in the interim), be followed up with "I'll give you a dime if you ring my chime!" and/or "I'll give you a penny if you'll loosen my lenny!"  [Anyone else know what a lenny is?  Anyone?  Bueller?   Me neither.]

If you know me, you know that I always ask a lot of questions - and will usually ask the question even if I don't really want to know the answer.

The three follow-up questions I just *had* to ask? 

1.  Do you even have a nickel/dime/penny to give me?  (Perfectly innocent question...)

2.  What do you use to tickle with?  (they answered "a feather")

3.  Where do you find a ticklish pickle? (You don't want to know their answer....really)

Best of all, was my Cousin Mark's comment... "Hmm, guess they haven't learned about inflation yet.  It costs way more than a nickel these days!!"

Suck your Own

My twin boys are taking summer school to supposedly help ensure they don't fall further behind in their learning over the L O N G summer break. The other day, we were in the car and this is what I over heard... 


Twin A:  I don't know if I believe him...  Do you really think he can suck his own? 
Twin B:  I think so.  Bobby is about to start 6th grade - I bet he can.
Twin A:  I still don't know if it is possible to do it without help.  It IS really big after all.


[At this point, they have been going on about this for a while, and I AM seriously wondering what in the devil they are teaching my children in summer school completely baffled about what they could possibly be talking about.  But I let it continue.]


Twin B:  It IS really big.  I bet I could do it, if I tried really hard - but maybe it would take a couple of days...


[Now, I am honestly wondering if I ask the question I am just dying to ask, will I get an answer I never wanted to hear in the first place???]


Twin A:  Let's tell mom we both want to suck our own and see if she thinks we can...


[I am fit to burst right now.  I am not prepared for the answer, but here I go anyway.]


Momma:  What *ARE* you two talking about??






Do you know what they were talking about?

Whew!

Apparently, Bobby got a big lollipop and got to eat the whole thing all by himself.  


Does anyone know where I can get some of these?  I'd like to suck my own and give my husband and kids a chance to do the same!

Can't Trust Women

The twins were so engrossed in the game they were playing that they didn't notice Mr. Baby and I come into the room, sit down on the couch and start eating a snack. 


When they finally noticed we were eating and they weren't, Twin A was appalled and Twin B said ...  


"You just can't trust women and babies these days!"




(May 29, 2012)

Hookers and Streetwalkers

Thankfully, I kept a calendar where I wrote all kinds of things that were said/happened over the past 9 years.  (Though I will admit that more great stuff is probably on Facebook than actually on the paper calendars that hung on walls).  SO, if we manage to go for 24 or more hours with out something ridiculous said or done, (albeit - not too likely) then I will start pulling out the calendars and looking for great quotes, conversations, stories, anecdotes, etc!  Just remember, I am NOT this creative - I can't/couldn't make this stuff up!



An actual conversation from the back seat of my car on February 23, 2012 (twins were 8.5 years old).   


We were driving on the UNR campus and had to stop for two girls who were jaywalking.


Twin A:  Why are they crossing the street and NOT in a crosswalk?


Twin B:  They are called streetwalkers.


Twin A:  Oh, I thought those were called hookers.


Twin B:  Nope.  A streetwalker gets to cross the street wherever they want and they can even walk in the street instead of on the sidewalk. A hooker is a silly or crazy person who does whatever they want, wherever they want.




I now have no doubt that I am, in fact, "a Hooker".  Thank you, Twinlets, for clarifying that important distinction for me (and probably, for so many others out there too!)

Staying in a Condom

When the twins were almost 2 years old, my parents took us all to Hawaii for a week long vacation.

We stayed in a condom...

(Playing golf in front of our *condo*)

We went to the pool and "did big dumps" into the pool...

Twin A *jumps* a little hesitantly... 

Twin B does a BIG jump!

   

Everyday, we went down to the bitch...

Checking it all out with Daddy - now getting to used to the sand on the *beach*

And played in the waves of the ohshit...

Ahhhhh - the *Ocean*!

  

It was a wonderful trip and no one in my family has forgotten the totally inappropriate cute things the toddlewins (Toddler Twins) said during the trip!

April 2005

Play with your own!

If there is one thing in motherhood that I never thought would surprise me, it is the frequency with which I have to say certain things...

If that old adage "if I had a nickel for every time...." were true - I don't quite think I'd have a million bucks - but probably somewhere around $23.80.  (That is assuming I have said it at least twice a week for the past 9 years - and definitely more when the twins and now the toddler were/are potty training.)  

In my inaugural post here at "Play with your Own" - a place to learn and see all the things I never thought I would have to say; but HAVE to say on a regular basis - I present the first of many quotes uttered and re-uttered by a mother of 3 boys, (wife to a husband and an employer of staff members)  ...

"Play with your OWN!!"

This one started off as a bath time quote - with two baby boys in the tub together.  Yes, this is usually and primarily regarding a specific and favored body part of little boys - but over the years it has evolved to include legos, pillows, squirt guns (the actual toys that shoot water) and their vegetables.  To my husband, it is most commonly used for new electronics and gadgets and the boys' legos, and to my staff, it relates to binders, programs, keys and, of course, dance partners.

Here is a photo of the three in the tub - just so you have an idea who hears this line the most!

Hmmmm, I wonder what my next saying will be....