Play with your own! AGAIN!

Whew!

I have finally stopped laughing enough to be able to type.  Mind you, this event took place over three hours ago.  I so wish there was a video - but even if there was - I wouldn't post it.

A little back story is required first....

We play a game with Doodles where we touch his nose and say "boop" or tug on his ears and say "toot".  Then he does it back to us and thinks it is hilarious!

With that in mind, I just had to share this little "play with your own" gem of Doodles...

So, the three boys are all taking a bath in my bathtub.  Doodles got out first and I dried him off.

Just as he was dry, the twins got out of the tub and were both standing side by side in front of the bathtub.

They dried their bodies and then, while they were drying their hair...

Doodles reaches out with both hands, grabs both boys' packages, tugs them and says "Toot! Toot!"


BWAA HAAA HAAA!



And that, is what we call a crime of opportunity!

His mother's son

Oh dear.  I think I may have just discovered why I hate HATE REALLY HATE-HATE-HATE doing homework with my 9 year olds...

It seems that this picture is kinda hard to read and his writing is ATROCIOUS - so allow me to do a quick translation:

QUESTION 2.  Are any of the polygons that you drew regular polygons?  Explain how you know.

My son's answer, and I quote ...   

"yes, they all are.  I looked in the SRB [student reference book] and there I saw the regular polegons."

Perhaps I can't handle homework time because they are just as big a smartass as I am?

Pyramids on penises.

One of my sons, who shall remain nameless, (but suffice it to say is a 9 year old) caused me to send the following text message to my husband....

I might have TOTALLY missed it in the "mom manual", but I am pretty sure that *must* be dad's job to discuss the pros and cons of drawing pyramids on one's own penis. 

What about you?  What's the best thing you found drawn on your child?

Hot Cocks, Dumb F*cks & Nipples

Oh dear, this one is a doozy!

Doodles is just about 29 months old now and has been doing a fabulous job in Speech Therapy.  However, there are still a few things that just don't come out quite right.  (Don't judge me, I am but the messenger!)

"Me want Hot Cock for lunch!"

(Grammar, apparently, comes later.)  

AND a few minutes later...

Oh, but of course!

****************************************************************

A few days ago, Doodles was looking for something...

"Mommy, me want mine dumb fuck!"

Say wha???  Can you show me what you want?  

"mine DUMfuck".  

I don't understand you - what do you want?  

Very slowly sounded out for his apparently thick (and slightly giggling) mother....

                     

" D U M P   TR U C K! "

*************************************************************

We were at a local dress shop this afternoon.  This place is amazing.  They have wedding dresses, formal gowns, cocktail dresses, seriously sequined gowns, etc. etc.  If you need to go to a "smart party" this is the place to go.  (Boulevard of Dreams on Kuenzli and Wells - tell Marsha, Vanessa and Mario sent you!)  

Anyway, I had Doodles with me and had him in the ERGO baby carrier (because one can simply NOT let a toddler boy loose in a dress shop!)

There were tons of people in the shop - a bunch of high school girls [and significantly less parents] from the local catholic high school who were looking for the shortest possible full length gowns for homecoming (as short dresses have been outlawed); a bride and her bridesmaids looking for short bridesmaids dresses in a specific shade of teal; a Mexican family looking for a dress for a Quincinera; and a pair of dudes - looking for "Something FABulous" for their upcoming Drag Pageant (I think they found it too - in fact, I was wondering if they had it in MY size!).  I was mostly browsing, but my husband and his friend were checking out the baby pink, navy with red lace pinstripes and light blue zoot suits.  (See, I told you this store was fantastic and had something for everyone!!)  But I digress...

So, Doodles is riding in the ERGO carrier on my front because his mother was wishfully thinking he'd fall asleep and she could browse/shop in peace.  We pass rack after rack of dresses, dresses hanging along the wall, dresses on mannequins, dresses on drag queens, you get the drift.  We hit the sale wall and there is a dress form (like a mannequin with no head or arms - basically just the bust and waist to display a dress on) without a dress....

Doodles reaches out, grabs the breast and yells

"Nipples!  Now me want milk.  Right now!"

And that, my friends, is my cue to laugh!